For a while, I wasn't okay. Things weren't good and I struggled to find happiness, even when everything around me was incredibly positive. And even now, I'm not great- but it's getting better and now that I'm finally realizing this, I feel it's my duty to you lovely lot, to advise you on how to cope with these types of situations.
Before starting I should probably issue a slight trigger warning. This isn't going to be the typical happy(ish) post that normally goes up on here- I'm going to be discussing hopelessness, sadness and downright crappy stuff, and although I'm going to try and not discuss anything really specific and personal, there will be a discussion about these emotions and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable reading about it. So do feel free to close this tab, and please visit back on Friday! If you do fancy reading something happy and bursting with positivity, do have a scroll through some old posts (particularly the Disney themed ones ^.^ ) Or I recommend Lou's World who makes me feel incredible happy
The fact I'm writing this petrifies me. Knowing that, on Monday, I'll be sat with my cursor over 'Publish' makes me feel a little bit sick. I write emotionally quite a lot, but usually I'm either happy or angry, both of which I'm comfortable with being online. To me, happiness shows joy and radiates positivity to my readers, and anger shows passion and determination; both of which, I feel show strength and a tough spirit- two qualities that I hope I possess.
But sadness. Up until very recently, I mistook crying and feeling down as being weak. Surely if I can't keep a couple of tears under control, how am I expected to grow up independently and gracefully? In my head, I convinced myself that needing help and not being okay meant I was weak and that all the inner strength I'd convinced myself I had, wasn't actually there- it was just a figment of my imagination that I reminded myself of whenever I needed to switch into, what I like to call "Beyonce Mode" (when you need to pretend you're confident and happy and not at all stressed)
But heck, that's not true! It's not a lesson you can teach yourself in a day, but one that you need to experience, first-hand to truly understand. For me it began when I started to really consider how my mood was affected by the situation I was in- 'if someone else (usually Beyonce) was in this position, would they be feeling this way too?' And most of the time, the answer was yes. This triggered something in my lil ol' brain that got me thinking about all the different emotions we've been given and how, each of them are used in specific situations. If you rarely feel a certain emotion (particularly the more negative ones), then maybe it's more of a reflection of opportunities and chances you're missing out on?
That makes no sense- let me explain.. I get angry when I feel passionate about something that has/hasn't happened and if I rarely felt angry, then that would mean I wasn't really passionate about anything- which I believe is worse than getting angry every now and again. It's the same with sadness. I only really get sad when I care about things. The problem is that I care about an awful lot of things so, when they don't necessarily go right, which often things don't I'll get upset. But, in order to reduce my sadness, I'd have to stop caring. I'd have to stop being so hopeful and stop giving so much of a damn about the things that actually make me happy- and losing hope, is like a million times worse than having a little cry every now and then, right?
We focus (or I focus) so much on trying to be happy all the time, that I forget there's hundreds of other emotions which I, as a human, am entitled to feel and maybe I should given then a try, instead of sticking to my happy bubble all the time..
I hope that made sense. I'm not sure it did but I feel a heck of a lot better after it!